Although there are no right or wrong ways to Grieve, there are right and wrong ways to deal with Grief.

This type of mental health management, known as Coping, is different for different people.

Although Coping is not inherently bad, some methods are unhealthy and can cause additional problems or pain.

These unhealthy methods are known as Negative Coping mechanism, behaviors that are used to avoid or reduce painful feelings in the short-term, producing a temporary numbness that will eventually wear off.

They do not support long-term healing and will only prolong emotional pain.

In fact, they can cause even greater pain because they can compound over time, making life more difficult than the initial Grief itself.

These tactics include, but are not limited to:

• Physical & Emotional Isolation -- avoiding memories, thoughts, friends, family or situations that trigger feelings of the deceased


• Emotional Suppression -- refusing to acknowledge Grief's existence is itself an avoidant tactic


• Staying Busy -- rather than making time for oneself, focusing only on the needs of others, or remaining over-worked for long periods of time and seeking distraction helps avoid painful feelings


• Trivialization -- instead of accepting the seriousness of Grief, making the death seem like it’s not a big deal and assuring oneself and others that everything is fine


• Self-destruction -- any type of risk-taking behavior can be harmful to a person dealing with Grief and may require professional support; typically, these behaviors are substance abuse, excessive eating, compulsive spending, sexual promiscuity or aggression, or physical self-harm


• Attacking Others -- lashing out, or harming others emotionally or physically, is unnecessary and dangerous, but particularly so during Grief; this type of anger avoids confronting or displaying troubling feelings or vulnerability


• Apathy -- a loss of interest in things once enjoyed, feeling that nothing really matters, unmotivated or lacking all concern, or not feeling anything at all in general, are all versions of ways to avoid difficult feelings

Since there are many ways to avoid dealing with Grief, it may be difficult to identify when any one behavior becomes harmful enough to require additional support.

Ultimately, it's best to take action when one is no longer able to fill their previous roles and responsibilities as a partner, parent, friend, employee, or productive member of society.

If Grief becomes overwhelming and negatively affecting daily activities, seek support from a mental health professional.

Know that this outreach is a sign of strength, not weakness.

See the links below for more information about avoiding unhealthy Grieving behaviors and ways to seek professional support.